Two Hours, 18 Minutes in the Life of the Greedy Poet
5:45 a.m. The Greedy Poet opens his eyes.
5:46 He looks out the window and says, "The light's good for photographing this morning."
5:47 Springing from the bed, he does 75 pushups.
5:48 He withdraws to the bathroom, where he has a stack of photography and real estate magazines readily accessible.
6:18 He emerges from the bathroom and says, "I've just had a great idea for getting that sale to go through. We'll totally reverse the whole thing. Instead of countering with a higher price--which is what they're expecting--we'll do a sale and leaseback* with option to buy--"
"Wait a minute," says his wife. "Which deal are you talking about?"
"Bill Benson's, of course--that place on West Cityview."
"Well, how was I to know?" she asks. "You have so many things going. Here--sit down and eat your breakfast."
"What are we having," he asks.
"Granola, of course. Do you want raisins on it, or prunes?"
6:59 The Greedy Poet emerges from the bathroom again after showering, shaving, and brushing his teeth. The doorbell rings. An agent from Fireball Realty hands him 3 copies of a signed offer for a house on Avenida del Toro. The Greedy Poet looks them over and asks, "Where's the original?"
"What for?"
"You want my clients to sign it, don't you?" says the Greedy Poet. "It won't be a valid contract unless they sign an original."**
"Oh," says the other agent. "I didn't think of that. I'll drop it off tomorrow about this time."
"OK," says the Greedy Poet, "if you want to be last."
"Last?"
"That's right. I've got three back-up offers in my brief case right now, and I'm gonna hand them in today. My clients are in a hurry."
Without a word, the other agent jumps into his car and peels out of the driveway.
7:12 The Greedy Poet starts loading his camera bag, tripod, portable lighting system, and video camera into his video van.
"Which house are you photographing?" asks his wife.
"The big one on Hilltop Crescent--$200,000." [Remember, dear readers, that this was over 25 years ago.]
"Oh, that one. That's a beauty."
"Sure is--hey, before I go, help me make the list."
She takes a pencil and a large sheet of paper and writes at the top: "Things to Do."
"Let's see," he says, "first I photograph that house--that'll take about two hours. Then, when I get back to the office, I have to make some phone calls. After that--" She writes as he dictates:
7:31 The Greedy Poet goes into the bedroom, puts on his 3-piece suit and his digital watch, and meticulously combs his hair. He looks at his teeth in the mirror like Kirk Douglas.
7:42 He comes out to the dining room and says, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. At 7:30 tonight I have an appointment with some people who are listing their house."
"Good," she says. "Where is it?"
"Up on Camino Picacho. Put that down on the list. Oh, yeah, and I have to pick up some pictures at Jane's photo. Also we have to process the slides I took last night and the ones I'm taking this morning, Can you mix the chemicals so we can do them tonight. And another thing--don't forget the captions you were going to make me for the boards on those two listings of Nancy's. I have the pictures mounted already."
"OK," she says, "give me the information."
He opens his briefcase, rummages through his files, and hands her two listings. "1928 W. Dusty Lane--Nancy Nunn-Bush," he mutters, "and here's 2020 W. Oklahoma."
Their 4-year-old daughter Alison comes out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes. "I'm thirsty," she says. Her mother gives her a glass of orange juice, then goes over to the TV and turns on the morning news.
"I don't wanna watch that," Alison wails. "I wanna watch my tape."
The Greedy Poet walks over, turns on the videotape player and inserts a cassette marked "Alison's Tape." Alison settles back and watches Liberace and the Muppets go through their 150th reappearance. The Greedy Poet tries to kiss her goodby, but she pushes him away, her eyes on Liberace's fingers.
8:02 The Greedy Poet picks up his briefcase, glances at his digital watch, kisses his wife goodby, and glides through the doorway......
8:03 His wife watches through the window as the Greedy Poet and his video van fade away into the sunrise.
August 1979
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* Sale and Leaseback. Let's say the Garcias have a piece of business property. They want to use it for a welding shop. They sell the property to Corporation X, which then leases it back to them at an agreed-upon price. There are tax advantages to both parties this way.
In the deal the Greedy Poet refers to, it wasn't quite so simple. The Garcias had two lots, covered by a single mortgage--known as a blanket mortgage--upon which they still owed $65,000. They wanted to sell one of the lots and keep the other for their welding shop. The Brannons wanted to buy one lot for a bagel bakery. They offered the Garcias $90,000, with a down payment of $30,000. The Garcias refused the offer, saying they had to have at least $65,000 in cash to pay off their mortgage so they could divide the property. The Brannons had no way to come up with that much cash. But the Greedy Poet found a way to avoid the impasse by suggesting that the Brannons offer $180,000 for the two lots, assume the Garcias' mortgage, and lease back the one lot to them with an option to buy it in five years when the mortgage had been paid off.
** Original Contract. The Greedy Poet avoids this problem by having his customers sign all 4 copies of a contract (1 for the buyers, 1 for the sellers, 1 for the broker, 1 for himself). That makes them all originals and all valid.